Hillesum: "a great and growing seriousness ..."

From An Interrupted Life: The Diaries of Etty Hillesum, 1941-1943

Etty Hillesum at her desk

“ I keep talking about God the whole day long, and it is high time that I lived accordingly. I still have a long way to go, oh yes, a long way, and yet sometimes I behave as if I were there already. I am frivolous and easy-going and I often look on things that happened as if I were an artist, a mere observer. There is something bizarre and fickle and adventurous in me. But as I sit here at my desk, late at night, I also feel a compelling, directive force deep down, a great and growing seriousness, a soundless voice that tells me what to do and forces me to confess: I have fallen short in all ways, my real work has not even begun. So far I have done little more than play about.”

—25 SEPTEMBER, 11.00 P.M.

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