The Spiritual Autobiography of a Love: A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken

A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken (1977, Harper & Row) is a memoir of the author Sheldon "Van" Vanauken and his true love Jean "Davy" Davis but is self-described by the author as "the spiritual autobiography of a love rather than the lovers." The book has two essential parts, the first "pagan" and the second after the couple's conversion to Christianity while at Oxford up until tragedy befalls their relationship and its aftermath. It also chronicles the couple's friendship with C.S. Lewis including several letters that include outstanding spiritual advice.

In what Van calls the pagan beginnings of their relationship, Van and Davy, agnostics devoted to beauty and truth, meet and from their first date discover their connection, in a moment Van describes using C.S. Lewis's words defining Friendship: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself ..." From there, their love grows to heights and depths that I recognized as true, even as I have never experience that level of commitment to love in any couple I've ever known. I wanted to be skeptical of the unity and passion their love retained, and yet each anecdote of devotion and every idealistic plan to stay in a state of "inloveness" felt real.

Van and Davy vow that if their love is to retain its "inloveness" then there must be a constant effort toward unity, maintained through a continual sharing of their likes and passions—if one of them likes anything, then the other must acknowledge there must be something genuine to like in that thing, and discover it for themselves no matter how hidden on first glance—and mutual service, symbolized in their relationship as "a cup of water in the night" retrieved for the other. Both of these are meant to weave "strands" that bind them to greater unity.
alas, no such movie exists

They erect a symbolic "Shining Barrier" around their love which at first glance is meant to keep out all that threaten the relationship—inappropriate feelings for other men or women, of course, but also worldly concerns, over attachment to a like the other simply can't participate in, etc—but more deeply, they recognize that the "self" the all-consuming "I" is the most dire threat against "us" and thus the Shining Barrier is meant to be a sign of the necessity of subduing the self for the sake of their love.

The Shining Barrier—the shield of our love. A walled garden. A fence around a young tree to keep the deer from nibbling it. An fortified place with the walls and watchtowers gleaming white like the cliffs of England. The Shining Barrier—we called it so from the first—protecting the green tree of our love. And yet in another sense, it was our love itself, made strong within, that was the Shining Barrier.

Monthly, they take time to reflect on the status of their unity, to correct where "self" has risen above their love, and to make major decisions, the outcome of which must always conform to "The Great Appeal" that whatever decision is made singly or together it is whatever is best for their relationship.

Interestingly, the danger of "self" is the only aspect of their efforts at unity that Vanauken focuses on as immediately relevant to the relationship with Christ. I frankly see in all of their groundwork areas that reflect upon the Christian life. In the sharing of likes, I see not only constantly reading the Gospel to get to know Christ and conform my will to his, but also in the sharing of my likes and passions in daily prayer. The Shining Barrier, both against the exterior and interior dangers, should be erected to protect the love toward God and against sin, a parallel to Spiritual Combat. And in their monthly reflections and "The Great Appeal" I can see parallels to the Daily Examen and Spiritual Discernment.

Anyway, Van and Davy secretly marry and began to live a life that after their conversion C.S. Lewis called an "'admirably realized' Christian ideal of man and wife as One Flesh."

Van and Davy

Three events lead toward their conversion: the first, Van sees a Cross of shadow fall across Davy and in his thought it is transformed from an ill-omen of an "X" representing antagonism to the Cross of Christ, which causes him to wonder if he shouldn't at some point really explore the Christian faith. Secondly, Davy has an encounter with a flasher that has a threat of rape; and reflecting on the evil in the world experiences her own "conviction of sin" within herself that she feels must be addressed. Finally, when they make their way to Oxford, which they find "breathing the last enchantment of the middle ages" they also find "thoughtful Christians" joyful, caring, and brilliant in conversation about Christianity. With these influences they began to have their "Encounter with the Light."

During this period of conversion, after reading several of his works, Van writes C.S. Lewis which begins a correspondence of friends that lasts for Lewis's lifetime. In one of Lewis letters, reprinted in the book, he shares bit of apologetics that grabbed me, very much related to his "argument from desire" but about Time. "Notice how we are perpetually surprised at Time. ('How time flies! Fancy John being grown-up and married! I can hardly believe it!') In heavens name, why? Unless, indeed, there is something in us which is not Temporal."

Davy converts first, and this is the first superficial break in the Shining Barrier, for now God has entered into the "us" and Van isn't sharing the same experiences as Davy. Even after Van converts, they experience Christ in different ways; Davy appears to advance in the spiritual life at a greater pace than Van. And after leaving the atmosphere of Oxford, which they associate with God, Van struggles more with the day-to-day faith more than Davy.

From the very beginning of the book, we are told by Van that Davy will die, and it is during this trial of Van's faith that he learns that Davy is dying. What follows is a deep mystery of faith, a magnificent triumph of love, and a heart-rending reflection on death, grief, and God's "severe mercy" which I cannot do justice to, and can only urge you to now go read the book.

The book grabbed me on several levels. First, that Van and Davy's at once systematic and idealistically passionate way of effecting greater love from love stirs me to be more proactive about the unity of my own marriage. We need not use the same language of the Shining Barrier, et al, and certainly the strands we form of likes will be quite different from Van and Davy's but the substance of what they hoped to achieve can, I think, be imitated if both spouses were on the same page about it. I certainly think both should read the book before even hoping for such a thing. Second, as above, the tools they used to protect and grow in their relationship are transferable to the individual soul's relationship with God and are worth attempting; by reading Van and Davy's story on that allegorical level, I could see its appeal even to single religiously-minded folk. There is also much reflection on Time and timelessness and the latter's necessity in friendship and love. Van relates this timelessness to joy, nothing that the two are often together; and it helps me identify the element I've been straining to define in true friendship.

Finally, in my recent increasing search for Wisdom, a sacramental worldview, and making that a daily practice in the Examen, there is much discussion of reading signs in one's life that point to God. The shadowy cross and the sin of the man that effects Davy's compunction sit high on those, but there are others. Van questions one such sign, a rainbow that inspired hope, but wondered how much of our psychological baggage causes us to read unintentional meaning into such signs. Lewis's reply gives much to think about: "If an event coming about in the ordinary course of nature becomes to me the occasion of hope and faith and love or increased efforts after virtue, do we suppose this result was unforeseen by, or indifferent to, God?—the total act of Creation, including our own creation (which is going on all the time) meets us, in every event at every moment." Amen.